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April 19, 2021 - Mistakes
From the moment we're born, perhaps even sooner, we learn by doing and observing others. How often do we get something 100% correct the very first time around? We learn. And if we're not doing things 100% correctly, then there is a "margin of error" - otherwise known as mistakes. We make mistakes. Sometimes intentionally and sometimes unintentionally. Sometimes the stakes are high. And as high as those stakes might be, we are still humans and can make mistakes. We might even be prone to more mistakes because of the pressure of high stakes. (This blog is going to be mistake-ridden. Maybe on purpose. Maybe not.)
A mistake might be a "failure." Oof. I will never forget auditioning for the musical theater program during my second year of college. I had practiced every single day for weeks and memorized every word of my 16-bar selection--but standing there, in front of the "judges", my mind completely blanked, and I felt an overwhelming humiliation. I was already terrified waiting for my turn in the hallway. Now, I had failed--in front of people. But what felt worse, was that I felt like I was a failure. (In CBT, we call that thought distortion, "labelling.")
Mistakes are mistakes and can be "single points of failure." Sometimes mistakes can be mended, corrected, healed--and other times they cannot. Mistakes do not define us. I am not what I do.
Can we have self-compassion in the moments when we recognize a mistake? Can we speak to ourselves like a loving a friend or a caring guardian?
"May I accept my humanness, and accept myself--mistakes and all."
"May I be kind to myself."
"May I accept this moment with humility."
"May I know that I am worthy of love in this moment."
My horrifying, mistake-ridden audition was a turning-point in my educational journey. That "single point of failure," led me to my future major--Psychology. Two years later, I was performing at an outdoor theater in Oakland, California as a chorus member for three different musicals. Auditioning again was nerve-racking; but being welcomed to the shows felt like a victory over my fears, my doubts, and my past. And today, I am a counselor and therapist, in part, because I choked at an audition all those years ago.
A mistake might be a "failure." Oof. I will never forget auditioning for the musical theater program during my second year of college. I had practiced every single day for weeks and memorized every word of my 16-bar selection--but standing there, in front of the "judges", my mind completely blanked, and I felt an overwhelming humiliation. I was already terrified waiting for my turn in the hallway. Now, I had failed--in front of people. But what felt worse, was that I felt like I was a failure. (In CBT, we call that thought distortion, "labelling.")
Mistakes are mistakes and can be "single points of failure." Sometimes mistakes can be mended, corrected, healed--and other times they cannot. Mistakes do not define us. I am not what I do.
Can we have self-compassion in the moments when we recognize a mistake? Can we speak to ourselves like a loving a friend or a caring guardian?
"May I accept my humanness, and accept myself--mistakes and all."
"May I be kind to myself."
"May I accept this moment with humility."
"May I know that I am worthy of love in this moment."
My horrifying, mistake-ridden audition was a turning-point in my educational journey. That "single point of failure," led me to my future major--Psychology. Two years later, I was performing at an outdoor theater in Oakland, California as a chorus member for three different musicals. Auditioning again was nerve-racking; but being welcomed to the shows felt like a victory over my fears, my doubts, and my past. And today, I am a counselor and therapist, in part, because I choked at an audition all those years ago.
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Updated: December 9, 2022
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Healohamele Reiko Cordeiro, LLC
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